Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
