i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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