The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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