i already hear my dad disowning me
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
