He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Still dying that you shit outside
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
