i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
