allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I skipped work to stalk him.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
