yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
