Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
