Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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