the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
