Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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