Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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