got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
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I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old