You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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