I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
