You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
