glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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