either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
