i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
