I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
