Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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