gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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