Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Is Oprah even human
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
