Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
