first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
only if we run a train.
done.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
