Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
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I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
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You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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