I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
