Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
