I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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