Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
