Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
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