Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
