i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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