I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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