I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
