my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
