We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
