She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
