just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
