and next time when you feel me up, do it right
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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