Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
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I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
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I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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