I'm sorry my penis didn't work
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
