I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
