I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
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Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
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Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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