her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
