okay pat passed out under dana's car
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
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