Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
