Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
