So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
