We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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