6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
