Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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