Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
